OFFICIATOR: In the name of Lucifer, Satan, and The Devil. Amen.

Dearly beloved, and others of you in the congregation craving the pony show of a so-called-but-grossly-misnamed "same-sex" "marriage," Romans 2:24 reminds us that the name of God is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you.

We are gathered here together by threat of lawsuit if we do not do this accursed anti-social absurdity by the two male dogs so nicely dressed in expensive and lavish tuxedos standing in front of me. I am hereby threatening to sue them if they anti-environmentally waste toilet paper, run the lavatory sink water too long, don't use soap when they wash their hands, overdo it on the paper towels, and do not use the exit doors when all this is done to thankfully and promptly remove their deviantly-defiling carcasses off the premises.

Let's get this ridiculous and blasphemous charade of purported same-"sex" "marriage" -- but actually same-gender homosodomy-unions licensing religious-lament -- over with.

Who gives this piece-of-pervert-feces male to be joined to the other piece-of-pervert-feces male, and I would have preferred to qualify them both using the quasi-vulgar-and-arguably-crass equivalent four-lettered word for excrement?

[Long pause]

C'mon, don't be shy, scared, or shamed. It's not your fault, you know.

A CONGREGANT RESPONSE: I am the parent, in name only, of that despicable azhohl standing in front of you - and that's as far as it goes.

OFFICIATOR: Bravely and rightly spoken. Thank you.

Request has been made for me to "Keep it short and sweet so we can eat," so my sermon will accommodate with such admirable and noble suggestion.

Zephaniah 3:9 states that the LORD will eventually change the speech of the peoples to a pure speech, that all of them may call on the name of the LORD and serve Him with one accord.

For the time being, that has not completely happened, because there are homoperverts and their media patsies who mis-call same-gender homosodomy-unions licensing ceremonies same-"sex" "marriages" -- which is an obvious application relating to the following Scripture passages:

Proverbs 2:9 Then you will understand righteousness and justice and equity, every good path
10 for wisdom will come into your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul
11 discretion will watch over you; understanding will guard you
12 delivering you from the way of evil, from men of perverted speech....

4:24 Put away from you crooked speech, and put devious talk far from you.
6:12 A worthless person, a wicked man, goes about with crooked speech...

And concerning (not "regarding") the network and other media and judges who support such errant and wicked semantics:

Isaiah 5:20 Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!
5:21 Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, and shrewd in their own sight!
10:1 Woe to those who decree iniquitous decrees, and the writers who keep writing oppression
29:15 Woe to those who hide deep from the LORD their counsel, whose deeds are in the dark, and who say: "Who sees us? Who knows us?"

Micah 2:1 Woe to those who devise wickedness and work evil upon their beds! When the morning dawns, they commit it, because it is in the power of their hand.

Philippians 3:19 Their end is destruction, their god is the belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things.

Fascinating it is that there is not even one example or instance in the entire Sacred-66-books Judeo-Christian [i.e. Old-and-New-Testaments] Holy Bible of there ever being any two-partner homosexual marriage of either gender of either named or non-named persons.

Not one.

There are plenty of heterosexual relationships or connections, such as heterosexual incest, heterosexual rape, heterosexual marriages of either man to wives or man to concubines, heterosexual adultery, heterosexual harlotry...but absolutely none of a homosexual nature.

Zero. Zip. Zilch.

Even the recorded speech of the doomed men of Sodom contains no desire to get married to the man they wanted to molest.

But, to not prolong this whole disgusting situation we are all now in, let me conclude with how the Bible describes what these two impeccably-attired pigs standing in front of me demand that we all endure:

Leviticus 20:13 If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall be put to death, their blood is upon them.

And Scripturally comment upon what they are here doing and probably intend to do later on:

Romans 1:18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all godlessness and wickedness of men [and women] who by their wickedness suppress the truth.
19 For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them.
20 Ever since the creation of the world His invisible nature, namely, His eternal power and deity, has been clearly perceived in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse;
21 for although they knew God they did not honor Him as God or give thanks to Him, but they became futile in their thinking and their senseless minds were darkened.
22 Claiming to be wise, they became fools,
23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man or birds or animals or reptiles.
24 Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves,
25 because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed for ever! Amen.
26 For this cause God gave them up to dishonorable passions. Their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural,
27 and the males likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, males committing shameful acts with males and receiving in their own persons the appropriate penalty for their error.

And give them the curse and not blessing prophesied against and not for them because of their clear inferred intention to homosodomize each other:

First Corinthians 6:9 Do you not know that the non-righteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither the immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor sodomites,
First Corinthians 6:10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor robbers will inherit the kingdom of God.

Amen.

Harvey, do you take this male to be your permanent homosodomizing partner, forsaking all others, to lust and to crave, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, in riches and in poverty, as long as you both shall live, so help you Satan?

HARVEY: Obviously.

OFFICIATOR: And Mortimer, do you take this male to be your permanent homosodomizing partner, forsaking all others, to lust and to crave, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, in riches and in poverty, as long as you both shall live, so help you Satan?

MORTIMER: Of course.

OFFICIATOR: By the power vested in me by five pro-homopervert black robes currently infesting the High Court, in stark contrast to the four dissenting justices of that Supreme Court, I pronounce you man and man, faggot and faggot, dike and dike, queer and queer, whatever. What the Devil has joined together, may any and all executioners terminate as soon as possible without extreme prejudice.

You may now sodomize each other's mouth, but make it quick so we all don't throw up.

[Harvey and Mortimer do it, as various congregants shout out: "Take it home," "Get a room," "How disgusting!" "Sickening," and other comments not quite appropriate to print on this webpage]