It is not known what the divorced, pseudo-"catholic," "Say-No-To-Marriage-Lawn-Signs," pro-evolutionist, god-is-'feminine'-heretic, nearby neighbor would think of the following paraphrase of Luke 12:13-59...

13 One of the unwisely-divorced, out-of-state, PK co-owners of a suburban property said to Him: "Teacher [not "Lord"], bid my older brother divide the transfer-of-deed-upon-death-acquired inheritance with me by me greedily urging him to become dangerously indebted to a bank loan enabling him to buy out (unless I suddenly change my mind capriciously) my $95,000 half of a tenants-in-common suburban property he currently lives in, pays annual property taxes and monthly utility bills for -- which property in entirety is assessed by the County at $190,000 -- after I take all the stuff I want out of that house before he disallows me further access to it, so that he can own the whole thing, so I do not have to consult with him to get and use a realtor to help sell it, wait for a buyer to buy it, pay house insurance on it any more, and never become responsible for property taxes or utilities on it or anything else, and especially not have to deal with that violently-anti-feminist-sexist-chauvinism-orating brother any longer."
14 But He said to her [paraphrasing in the blasphemous mis-genderizing mis-semantics format of that "god-is-a-she-or-her-not-a-he-or-his nearby neighbor]: "Woman, who made me a judge or divider over you?"
15 And He said to them:, "Watch out, and beware of all covetousness; for a woman's life does not consist in the abundance of her possessions."
16 And He told them a parable, saying: "The land of a rich woman brought forth plentifully;
17 and she thought to herself: "What shall I do, for I have nowhere to store my junk?'
18 And she said: "I will do this: I will move out of this apartment so I then have no place to reside in, except occasionally in Peter M's house, and find a condo or whatever to live in which I in fact have not yet found; and there I will store all my accumulated junk.
19 And I will presumptuously say to my soul: "Soul, you have ample goods laid up for many years; take your ease, eat, drink, be merry."
20 But God said to her: 'Fool! This night your soul is required of you; and the things you have prepared, whose will they be?'
21 So is she who lays up treasure for herself without thinking: "If the Lord wills..." and is not rich toward God.
29 And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be of anxious mind.
30 For all the nations of the world seek these things; and your Father knows that you need them.
31 Instead, seek His [not "her"] kingdom, and these things shall be yours as well.
32 Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's [not "mothers"] good pleasure to give you the kingdom.
33 Sell your possessions, and give alms; provide yourselves with purses that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys.
34 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
35 Let your loins be girded and your lamps burning, and stay away from faithlessly resorting to porn search and lustful defilement, incited by random-public-view imposition of mopheaded hair [i.e. loose long hair hanging below mouth-level instead of modestly having been tied into a decent-view back-of-head single ponytail or into an up-do], and/or naked-armed sleevesless, nude-legged slacksless, and noisy-flip-flop-sandals-footed socksless female-human exhibitionists, insanely seducing non-soliciting males for no honorable nor sexually-viable reason whatsoever,
36 and be like anti-homogay-effeminate/anti-homosodomy-unions-licensed men who are waiting for their master to come home from the marriage and not fornication nor adultery nor homosodomy feast, so that they may open to him [not "her"] at once when he [not "she"] comes and knocks.
37 Blessed are those servants whom the master finds awake when he comes; truly, I say to you, he [not "she"] will gird himself [not "herself"] and have them sit at table, and he [the operative gender-qualified pronoun in the actual Greek Text is: he and not "she"] will come and serve them.
38 If he comes in the second watch, or in the third, and finds them so, blessed are those servants!
39 But know this, that if the householder had known at what hour the thief was coming, he would not have left his house to be broken into.
40 You also must be ready; for the Son of man [not "woman"] is coming at an unexpected hour."
41 Peter said: "Lord, are you telling this parable for us or for all?"
51 Jesus replied: "Do you think that I have come to give peace on earth? No, I tell you, but rather division;
52 for henceforth in one house there will be five divided, three against two and two against three;
53 they will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against her mother, 'I-want-and-need-my-money-now' sister against her likes-to-live-near-his-wife-who-he-never-divorced-and-does-not-plan-to-divorce brother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law,
57 And why do you not judge for yourselves what is right?
58 As you go with your accuser before the magistrate, make an effort to settle with her/him on the way, lest she/he drag you to the judge, and the judge hand you over to the officer, and the officer put you in prison.
59 I tell you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny."