Sodomarriage

Well, it passed in the State of New York by the New York Senate....and what is alluded to is not the Defense of Marriage Proposition (which proposition would merely reaffirm the legitimacy of legal heterosexual marriage without specifically disallowing the inclusion of homosexual unions as "marriages" with government benefits allocated for such).

No, what was passed was the so-called Marriage Equality Act, and now New York is the sixth State to have passed such...although the one passed in New York is somewhat different....in that it is much more extensive in scope of both who and what can now be considered "sodomarried."

Not only are all of any age group and either gender (except breast-feeding infants up to one year old) allowed to sodomarry each other, but spouses can now be mammals also - if such the owners (excuse me: spouses) of such mammals of either or both genders meet certain standards, such as providing proof of being of sound mind and concurrently not already married.

Also, prospective sodomarital-partner mammals must be alive, or reasonably alive, when the sodomarriage license is issued, and it only takes one partner of the sodomarriage to be able to legibly sign the Sodomarriage License Certificate, although the instances of having a mute spouse being unable to talk must be registered with a notorized waiver.

Another stipulation is that the sodomarrying mammal must be of more-or-less equal height and weight in relation to the other spouse, and at least one of the spouses must be human.

For example, bears and cat-like mammals (e.g. lions, tigers, etc.), horses, gorillas, and kangaroos should be of equal height and weight compared to their human spouse of either gender.

The bill awaits the governor's signature as to whether or not reptiles, birds, and fish can soon become acceptable as sodomarried partners accruing State benefits and inheritance provisions.

Weddings of sodomarriages between human and poopy/pissy animals in religious buildings should be made in conjunction with consulting the New York City Zoo.

Wedding gowns or tuxedos for sodomarrying mammals can be white, although scarlet is recommended, and should reflect the opposite gender of the mammal for maximum thrill.

Cages in sanctuaries for mammal sodomarried partners creating a disturbance are to be provided by the human spouse.

Pictures of kissing by mammal-with-human sodomarried partners at the end of the ceremonies should be done by at least one professional photographer, and buckets should be provided for congregants who consequently vomit while observing such.

Being that some mammals do not have fingers on which to put gold wedding bands indicating that they are sodomarried, pierced rings can be inserted into the equivalent of the mammal's left earlobe.

Branding of mammal spouses during sodomarriage ceremonies is prohibited by New York statute.

Clergy are not required to have mammal spouses-to-be recite sodomarriage vows during church, synagogue, or mosque ceremonies.

It is strongly recommended that wedding receptions for all mammal/human sodomarriages occur outside the city limits of New York City proper and all other major New York cities, and instead be celebrated on suitable farmland.

It is expected that all non-human mammals joined in sodomarriage to a human spouse should be leashed while out in the general public to avoid being impounded, and large dog-type mammal spouses are advised to limit the lifting of their back leg to hydrants exclusively marked for such purposes.

Petition is being made to alter IRS 1040 Forms to accomodate the new category of Sodomarital Partner for Marital Status Classification, and mammal spouses are not eligible to be prosecuted for Income Tax Evasion.

In-law relatives of sodomarried mammals can attend court to determine custody of any adopted children.

Whichever of the sodomarried partners, be they human or animal, can be claimed or claim themself "Daddy" or "Mommy," and free psychiatric counseling and treatment is available by State social workers for confused and disoriented adopted children of mammal/human families of whatever gender(s).

Drivers Licenses can be issued to either spouse in a mammal-with-human sodomarriage at the discretion of the New York State Department of Public Safety and Vehicle Services.

Mammal/human Sodomarriage Licenses last only two years, but can be renewed if at least one spouse takes and passes the Sodomarriage License Renewal Test, unless either annulment or divorce is instead desired.

In accord with New York State Law, all mammal/human sodomarried partners must have some plaque or other written display of Job 11:12 posted somewhere within their residences.

It gets worse.

The other day, Mary and Linda angrily trotted into the local service station in a huff, after the manager noticed that both of them had parked their cars parallel between a row of gas pumps so close together on the driver's sides that they both had to get out of their vehicles through the passenger doors. "We want to know why there either is no gasoline in your underground reservoir, or the gas pumps are not working, and why we can't get any gas into our cars," they bellered. "We both flipped our gas tank covers open and took off the caps, but no fuel was transferred to the tank. What's going on?" Mike, the station manger, quickly realized the problem, and told the enraged lesbians he would check it out and get right back to them. After a quick 911 call to the sheriff and psychiatric paramedics of the nearest hospital, he came back and informed them: "You both have to select a gas pump, and stick the male nozzle into your respective female gas tank holes, then each squeeze her nozzle's lever. Try it, and if that doesn't work, something else will be suggested."

Jack and Tom barged into the neighborhood hardware store, each carrying a box with an electrical fan inside. Jack blurted out: "Both me and my wife, Tom here, tried to get the fans which we bought yesterday at this store, working - but they don't work. We want an exchange, or our money back." Jerry, the manager, replied: "What was the voltage in the wall socket you plugged your fans into? Was it 220 or 110 volts?" Jack retorted: What? We tried to attach the male prongs of our electric fan cords to each other, but no juice came out to energize the fans, so they must be defective." Jerry then answered, "Just a minute. Let me go in the back room and talk to my associate. He's working here part-time during his off-hours while studying for his Ph.D. in dangerously-antisocial types of unusual mental illness." The associate returned with Jerry, and calmly advised both Jack and Tom to take their fans back home, and insert the male prongs of their fan cords into the female holes of their respective wall-socket receptacles, then immediately report back to them.

Lenny came in, sobbing, to the clinic, and the nurse asked him what was wrong. "I am a transsexual who intensely despises the Lord for creating me a male human, and I think I am bleeding to death after cutting off my private parts to leave a big cut for my new vagina. PLEASE help me. I'm getting weaker and weaker, while leaving a bloody trail behind me all the way from my car to where I'm now standing."

Transsexual Jenny then came in, crying like a baby, the the nurse asked her what her problem was. "In arrogantly-defiant hatred against God who gave me my female gender at birth, I have tried everything to get my sex-store-purchased foam-plastic penis and scrotum to stick to me between my legs.....even Crazy Glue......nothing works. I've thought about sewing it on a jock strap, but I'm afraid that that would hurt too much if I stitched it right into my skin down there."

Finally, sodomarried Jim and John came in at the same time sodomarried Cathy and Patty entered. They all lamented to the nurse that they had tried and tried, over and over, to get children -- but so far it had been hopelessly futile. "Describe your sexual hardware and procedures, and let's see if I can help you people," the nurse said, while trying to contain herself from losing it in uncontrollable laughter. "Well," Jim started, "John has two holes, and I have tried both. No kids." Then John chimed in: "And Jim has two holes, and I - like him - have tried both of his, to no avail." "And how about you two," the nurse asked lesbians Cathy and Patty. Patty began with: "Cathy has three holes, one to breath through, one to urinate from, and one to defecate from, as I do, but neither one of us can figure out why we don't get pregnant and where babies would emerge from...whether the mouth, the vagina, or the rectum." Cathy then agreed: "Yeah, I agree about the three holes, but no babies. Can you help us figure out what to do?"

The nurse told both Jim and John: "To get offspring, you have to utilize a human being who has three holes to stick your pricks into, and you both have to experiment to discover which of the three holes gives the best results." The nurse then turned to Cathy and Patty, and declared: "And you each have to utilize a human being who has only two holes, which respective two-holed human will stick his prick into at least the best respective hole of each of yours."

"Tell you what," the nurse continued. "Jim, John, Cathy, and Patty, I will flip a coin. Jim, you call it while it's tossed in the air. If you call it heads, and the coin lands heads, I want you to go into that lockable exam room over there with Cathy, and engage in some prick sticking into her for about two hours, with plenty of prep foreplay and afterplay on the exam table together. However, if the coin lands tails instead, take Patty into the room and do the same as described for Cathy. And John, you take either Cathy or Patty - whoever Jim does not take, and do the same thing as described for Jim in the other exam room involving the same previously-detailed parameters. You all agree?"

It was one of the better days for the nurse. They also concurred, the nurse then flipped the coin, and guess you got who and who got the other?

Seriously, after listening to rather-sensible White House Communications Director Dan Pfeiffer dialogue with a local loonhead the other night on C-Span 3, I can readily see that the GOP is going to have very serious difficulty putting a Republican into the Oval Office in 2012, and it certainly will be absolutely impossible if the GOP selects Palin and/or Bachmann as the Prez or VP candidate.

The GOP have all they can do to change the voting public's mind that they will not continue to insist mindlessly tinkering with what they miscall "entitlements" which they presume has caused and is causing the National Debt -- thus depriving the impoverished of needed monthly Social Security checks and Medicare/Medicaid reimbursements.

Haetcrimes